Nasty Mush

Today's dinner was the worst idea of my life. Who the hell fries cucumbers with spam and eggs? Erk, yeah me obviously, but other than me? Don't do it, please. Doesn't taste very good. Add Annie Chun's mai fun to it, and it gets even worse. Cooking Annie Chun's mai fun the classical way, by boiling it, will show you that it turns out to be a pile of mush. But boiled food is always mushy, right? So that's okay. When you drain and fry boiled, soggy mush, you would expect it to get harder, right right? No.

So tonight I thought of the BRILLIANT idea of frying cucumbers instead of green beans and asparagus (see previous posts). I also decided to try frying some mai fun instead of ramen. Fried Spam + egg + mai fun = yummy!... usually. Spam + egg + ANNIE CHUN's mai fun + fried cucumbers = NOT yummy. Maybe I just cooked it wrong? Well, I definitely did, but still, I don't think it would've gotten much better. My first mistake was soaking all of my mai fun. Half of the block would've been too little, but taking pieces off the other half would have left me with much too little for the next dish. Thus, I decided to just soak the whole thing. Because I didn't have a strainer, I just poured out all of the water from the pot of mai fun and transferred the fun to the pan, where I had my fried spam and cucumbers. Turns out, the mai fun was way too wet. In the future, it would be a smart idea to squeeze out all the water, or at least let the fun sit in a strainer for a while. The second problem I had was that the cucumber was too hard; I should have fried it longer. I also forgot to peel the skin of the cucumber... minor problem, but still added to my overall dissatisfaction. In short, wet soggy mai fun is almost impossible to fry, and cucumbers are much too hard in general to complement the mush.

For those of you who would like to suffer the way I suffered, here's my recipe, without any edits:

~:Nasty Mush, aka Mai Fun fried with Cucumbers, Spam, and Eggs:~

(gawd, doesn't that just LOOK gross? ~shudders~)

Ingredients:

1/3 box of Annie Chun's Mai Fun

1/6 a can of Spam, cut into little cubes or rectangles or w/e

1 Large Egg, beat slightly, just so that the yolk is mixed in with the egg white (for this amount of mai fun, two eggs would be better, but I used one...)

1/4 large cucumber, diced

Pinches of Salt (idk how much I use... I just shake in however much looks right...)

Thin slice of sweet butter (it's the only kind of butter in the fridge...)

Steps:

1.) Follow the instructions on the Annie Chun's Mai Fun box for "Stir-fry" (soak in hot water for 7-8 minutes).

2.) Wait about 4 minutes.

3.) Melt butter in a heated pan, add cucumber. Fry for thirty seconds, flip, add Spam, fry for another thirty seconds.

3.) Drain the mai fun and add to the pan. Add salt.

4.) Fry for 1-2 minutes (or so the Annie Chun's box says. I ended up frying for... five minutes? six? something like that). Flip and split apart occasionally (because it's a wet smushy glob that likes to stick to itself...), but try not to smash up all the fun like I did...

5.) Add egg, mix evenly into fun mixture. Fry until egg is solid.

6.) Serve and try not to puke. :]

Hooray! You're insane if you're trying this; it's really not a good combination of ingredients, I swear...
(What a waste of perfectly tasty cucumber... :[ )